The coats are off

...No really, they are! Spring is peeking through the blue-greyish skies and it's going to be here any day now

First of all my apologies to all my readers...yes, all 5 of you (one of them is my wife) for not writing all these days. I was dormant for the winters - in a state of minimal metabolic activity

I was sleeping in 'til 11 in the morning and going to work without brushing my hair. And yes, I am talking about weekdays. Weekends were even worse - I wouldn't even get up all day, or even if I did, that would be for short intervals of heavy Indian meals which would put me back to sleep

Sometimes I wonder, what if sleep was the 'normal' way of life. Who knows, may be we are supposed to keep our eyes shut for the most part and dream all day. And opening the eye is actually the resting cycle - just to glance at the world around...as if it were a dream...But that only I wonder..haven't proved yet

So, let this post be the ice-breaker of my lull, and like I was saying throw the dang-on coats off, and show the bright (In the case of guys, read 'white') clothes off and bring the shapely bodies out (again for guys, read 'lipid tires around waist line')

Speaking of clothes, I was in the common laundry in our aparment building, trying to find an empty dryer for the clothes. But all the dryers were full - churning heavily and smoking the clothes within..So I did what you do when you see all the dryers full

I went home to come back in about 15 minutes. When I came back, there were 2 empty! And they seemed like having stopped for 5 minutes now. But no one to claim the clothes..So I did what you do when you see dried laundry and no one to claim

I went home to come back in about 15 minutes. When I came back, there was still no one to claim the laundry! So I did what you'd do...you know..the throw-out. I opened the dryers one by one, and emptied them flat on a side-table

Now, here's a moment when you're most vulnerable in whole life - well, apart from the one when you are a kid peeing on the side of a highway and you fear someone will jump out of the bushes

So, in this throw-out moment, you really want to be as quick as possible, as you don't want to be seen doing this. You don't mind explaining to someone later, that you took their laundry out because they didn't show up. But you don't want to be caught doing that! So, you're quick. But you also don't want to haste it so much that the landry falls on the floor while you're throwing it out

And even if something falls down, you scan the floor quickly to see what actually fell off - coz you don't want someone entring the scene when you're picking their red polka-dot underwear from the floor!

But in my case nothing happened that would make anyone doubt my integrity and I managed to load my clothes in and start the dryers

And since I would not need my woolens for at least 9 months now, I smoked them dry and packed them tight in my suitcases - also hoping that that will give my hands some free air between my fingers and my head some new thoughts to keep this blog running

And give my readers, yes all 4 of you (my wife just read what I was typing and balied out of the group) more reasons to love yours truly...

Indian engineer killed in Afghanistan; India outraged

And what good does that "outrage" do anyway? Almost always when it comes to an Indian stuck in a foreign land, the sequence of events seem to be:

>concerned
>starting to talk
>unsuccesful in talks
>concerned again
>outraged
>killed>
>sympaties
>the family of the killed 'compensated'

That's it! With its meek foreign policies being around for years, India is standing at a point that we can never use a word "pressure" on any foreign land. Oh, no I was missing the pressure we put on Nepal king the other day (note this was after 4 years of dissolvement of parliament that the king had enjoyed, and only after the commoners of Nepal had come to a street-revolt)

Remember that Afghani guy who was being tried for a death-sentence in Kabul for adopting Christianity? America, among several countries made the Afgani president work his ass-off to get the guy out of the trial and flee him out of country

I mean its understandable how america with all the power in hand is at a buying position almost in all negotiations in the world. But is India really bankrupt in such innternational dealing?

Think what would happen if it was an American stuck in Kabul? Of course there'd have been protests and all the non-violence speeches. But behind the scenes, there would have been one phone call to the Karzai man, and he would already be on his way to find the guy himself

Wasn't there a talk of "tri-lateral" relationships between India-Pakistan-Afghanistan just recently? I think such "relationships" flourish only as long as everything is good. I don't think we or any of our neigbors have what it takes to steer in case of a contention











Its like saying:

Love me tender love me long, till the end of time
But when I am hungry and you're around, you'll still be dinner of mine

I can't sleep, can you?

I sleep peacefully in nights..

Because my India is progressing..a lot of infrastructure, service industries, medical science. So, here's a little quiz on India's progress:

This morning, I saw these 4 headlines in a leading Indian newspaper's site:

1. Indian IT takes a stride, tops entry list in IT contest
2. Strapping NRI doc shines in US Navy
3. Office of profit issue : All parties unite
4. Doctor jailed for girl abortion scan

Which do you think is the most revealing fact of our progress?

1? wrong, 2? even worse! 3? don't even go there..

The answer is 4. "Doctor jailed for girl abortion scan". Read further and found that this was the first prison sentence of such kind in 12 years, since this law has been made!

This is even more revealing of our progress - it shows that we Indians are either always producing boys in our maternity rooms. I don't doubt that, as given that our 'strapping' doctors are shining all over the world, its fairly possible that they've invented some kind of 'boy-gra' pill.
Or, it shows that we all Indians are happy with our baby girls! We are broad minded, believing in equal-oppertunity and are far off from the orthox 'the boy carries my lineage' thought. Isn't that a sign of progress?

Now this happens to be the first couple in 12 years, who (out of the blues) decided they'll go for a sex-determination. And there was this doctor who happened to think alike, and agreed to help them.

So, leaving such once-in-a-blue-moon cases out (I mean, its okay to have such cases once in 12 years, right?), I can sleep peacefully tonight, proud over my fellow Indians that we are progressing

---

End of quiz....or is it?

Before calling ourselves developed, or even developing, we should look into dirts of our own minds. Forget rural India. Don't we all know that even in "big cities" like Delhi, its a child's play to determine sex and get the female baby aborted? I mean c'mon! you have seen signs reading "500/- for abortion", haven't you?

"big cities" my foot!

Delhi's eve-teasing has taken the dangerous shape of daylight-rapes, and sexual assaults. A girl can not travel in the over-crowded city buses because they are nothing less than jungle of predators looking forward to 'carrying their lineage'.

For a girl, waiting on a bus-stand after work is like sitting like a 'bait' for the drooling 'hunks' who just can't hold their manhood in them. You'll get a ride offered from anyone starting from an executive placed in his merc, to the brave two-wheeler jokeys

And did I hear that 'dowry' is history? Get a life! I know in some parts of our country, the grooms are weighed with gold while getting married. Even our familiar computer-engineer (who happens to be the backbone of our $50-an-hour 'service' industry) appears on a 'dowry menu' as follows:

• Green-Card (GC) holder: Rs 1 crore ($200,000)
• H1 visa (still 3 years to go, so he'll manage to get a GC): Rs 50 lac ($100,000)
• Employed in India (well!): Rs 10 lac ($20,000)

The sex ratio in some states like Haryana and Punjab has dropped to as low as 600:1000! I once saw on news, a haryana youth complaining people his age are not getting brides in their state to get married. I guess he'll take some time to figure that his (could have been) bride is already dead in one of such 'rare' foetus-murders!

When will this end?

..would I ever sleep peacefully in night?

(sigh)

Pain in the neck

Have you ever heard people complain about 'having to' wear neck-ties to work. Many don't say it, they just...well, show it...

The pain they have gone through each day, trying a knot has given birth to some patterns over several decades. Here are a few inventions we owe to these people:

There's one that I call the 'cabbage-knot'. The exact process of tying this knot is not known (I am sure the inventor is trying to get it patented) but it seems wrapping the tie around your fist is a key step somewhere.

I recommend this knot for people who are kind of low on the personality scale, as this knot is so big that it tends to completely take over your personality. I mean I can never take my eyes off such a knot when I am talking to the guy. When such a guy sits across me in a meeting, I think he might as well just leave his tie-knot on the table and leave - his presence is not going to be any mightier than that anyway.

Then there's one that kinda resembles a bib. The key is to start the knot on the widest part of the tie. So that all you are left with is a six-inch peice of fabric, flapping over your chest. Too good for people with a drooling habit.

Some of our inventors seem to have taken the 'dimple' thing a little too far. Their invention is what I like to call the 'japanese-fan-tai'. The idea is to have as many 'pleats' on the tie as possible. And then spread it wide over your shirt. In summers it gives you a feeling of wearing a skirt on the neck.

The 'pant-savers' are my favorites. The tie has to be hanging at least a foot down from your belt. Leaving the knot above as flaccid as possible. And in case you're still guessing, the name comes from the boon the tie can be if you ever left your zippers open.

Some knots, I have not been able to christen yet. Although there are many versions available, the common feature is: when looking at the knot, you should feel a strong urge to hang the guy by his tie, in the middle of the square. Please let me know if you have a name for it..

(grunt)

Paperless office?

Why is it that whenever I wash my face in the men's room at work, they're out of paper towels??

I mean, here you are in the one of your best office-shirts, dripping wet from the forehead down to your chin. And you turn around for paper...Nada!

You look around to see if there're others you could turn to for an answer. But guess what? They seem to take a lesson from you, and don't even wash their hands!!

"Yikes" you say to yourself, but your peers appear to be proud of their dry-hands-policy!!

By this time, the water dripping from your chin has made its way through the neck into your best office-shirt. It's like being in the middle of a stage - with spotlight on you - while the other 'performers' come and go

And you wonder if that's what they meant by 'paperless' office :-)

Hiding behind the e-mails

Yes, that's what employers do. Now I know what a 'firewall' means - its a place for management to hide behind. When was the last time you tried to get a serious HR issue resolved? I mean everytime I try that, all I end up communicating to is my mail-box.

I only got a "Send" button to talk, and probably a few gestures, like "Important" and "Read Receipt" to use in the communication.

I never thought technology could advance this much - it has made a impermeable mesh of wires - network wires as they call them - that you have to shout through in order to talk to someone in departments like human-resources (wait a minute! isn't this the department that was supposed to be resolving my problems in the first place, sigh!)

I guess I have learnt the trick they play to make more money - reduce the input channels as you go higher in the org-chart. And that chart, phew! Have you ever seen one of those? Looking at that, I feel like a rat lost in maze - smelling cheese somewhere in the end of it! And don't ever try to look for your place in that chart! Trust me, all I find is a shaded box that says something generic- like 'Resource' or 'Team'. I mean is that all we are - generics?