Thursday, March 16, 2006

Pain in the neck

Have you ever heard people complain about 'having to' wear neck-ties to work. Many don't say it, they just...well, show it...

The pain they have gone through each day, trying a knot has given birth to some patterns over several decades. Here are a few inventions we owe to these people:

There's one that I call the 'cabbage-knot'. The exact process of tying this knot is not known (I am sure the inventor is trying to get it patented) but it seems wrapping the tie around your fist is a key step somewhere.

I recommend this knot for people who are kind of low on the personality scale, as this knot is so big that it tends to completely take over your personality. I mean I can never take my eyes off such a knot when I am talking to the guy. When such a guy sits across me in a meeting, I think he might as well just leave his tie-knot on the table and leave - his presence is not going to be any mightier than that anyway.

Then there's one that kinda resembles a bib. The key is to start the knot on the widest part of the tie. So that all you are left with is a six-inch peice of fabric, flapping over your chest. Too good for people with a drooling habit.

Some of our inventors seem to have taken the 'dimple' thing a little too far. Their invention is what I like to call the 'japanese-fan-tai'. The idea is to have as many 'pleats' on the tie as possible. And then spread it wide over your shirt. In summers it gives you a feeling of wearing a skirt on the neck.

The 'pant-savers' are my favorites. The tie has to be hanging at least a foot down from your belt. Leaving the knot above as flaccid as possible. And in case you're still guessing, the name comes from the boon the tie can be if you ever left your zippers open.

Some knots, I have not been able to christen yet. Although there are many versions available, the common feature is: when looking at the knot, you should feel a strong urge to hang the guy by his tie, in the middle of the square. Please let me know if you have a name for it..

(grunt)

1 comment:

Strawberry Freak said...

uuuhhh......the hang-man knot????